Dairy Queen

I bribed my kid with Dairy Queen. Not only did Ryan and I promise her ice cream if she completed her practice wihtout tears, but I also turned my back for about 99.9% of her practice. I stood visibly close, visiting with another mom, but did not give her soggy puppy dog eyes a home to land on...I realized that everytime she saw me, it was making her plead with me to take her off the field. And then it made perfect sense...
Even now as a grown woman with children of my own, I consult my mom. She's the ear I barf in when I don't know what do to with sickness or confusion. She generally has the words of wisdom I need and if she doesn't she directs me to my knees in prayer and also committs to prayer on my behalf. I still call her sometimes once i've collected myself and my emotions and before I know it, i'm bawling through the phone! I remember very clearly a particularly awful volleyball game in which my mom actually felt strongly enough to speak with the coach on my behalf at the end of the game. I was upset, and together, we left the court and went shopping. It helped me and I remember that day because she spoke up for me and because she went out of her way to make me feel better. I can't tell you what she bought me, but I remember that she made the guesture.
So Mom, this one's for you. I feel that i've reached that place with Leah. I stood my ground and turned my back when necessary. I confronted the coach when appropriate. And when the time was right, I dropped some dollars on my baby girl. Because she's worth it and because I'm proud of her working through her fears. And more than that, it's because I want her to remember, just like I do, that she's worth the guesture.

I Think I'm one of "Those" Mom's

As a teacher, I saw what Ryan calls, "helicopter moms." Mom's that hover, get involved, wipe noses, tie shoes, hold their kids' hand, pick out every outfit, answer for them...I've always said that I won't be one of THOSE moms.
Yesterday was my first test. Leah decided that she wanted to play soccer again. She's committed to playing until this season is over, so that means about 3 months total. Practice on Tuesday nights from 4:30-5:45 and then games on Saturdays. We've been in town for 2 practices.
Leah woke up from her nap yesterday ready to get dressed for soccer practice. Daddy was home so the 4 of us grabbed snacks and water bottles and jumped into the car. Leah walked right out onto the field with her teammates, all 5 and 6 year olds. Her coach is a young lady that is a school psychologist during the days.
They stared with some skills, dribbling with different feet, doing cross-overs and trapping the ball. About 30 minutes of skills and it was time for the next phase. Use your skills in a small field drill. Coach had 6 girls on each side of this small field. There were two "goals" on each side and 3 girls lined up behind each "goal". One girl passed the ball to her left and as she and her teammate tried to score on the two girls accross from them, the other 2 girls from the other team defended their 2 goals...which also had 3 girls in line behind each goal. When someone scored or the ball went out of bounds, the drill was over and the girls went back to their original side and switched to the other line behind the other goal on their side. Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking...by the time you finish explaining that mess to the girls, it's already time for a water break.
No worries, she didn't really explain it to the girls, and specifically, not to Leah. But Leah jumped right in line anyway and tried to figure out where to go when and what to do. Consequentley, she didn't have a ball when she needed it, she didn't switch lines when she was supposed to, but she still bounced around while the girls were dribbling and switching and crossing and...phew. I'm exhausted.
Needless to say, i'm starting to get anxious because I can see that Leah's getting a bit scared, confused and overwhelmed. "Girls, you're on defense! Switch sides! Leah, get a ball, you're in the ball line!" At this point, I climb down from the bleachers and get Ryan to come watch what's happening and how the coach isn't explaining the drills and then getting upset at the girls being confused. (And really, Leah was getting very anxious and on the verge of tears and I wanted Ryan to step in because he can, it's his team to begin with.)
Long story short, he agrees with me, and we sit together and watch Leah slowly melt down. Becca stops practice, all the girls and parents are watching while coach asks why Leah's crying. Now she's also embarrassed. And i'm upset for her and because it didn't need to happen in the first place. Leah comes off the field and I take her around the corner with her water. She tells me and Ryan that she's hot, but when I get her alone, she said she doesn't know what to do. I told her I didn't get it either and that I bet that's confusing and maybe even a little scary.
I'm holding back my own tears because I totally remember going to gymnastics when I was her age and crying every time! I don't know that many people understand the feeling so I won't try to describe it, but I totally relate to how she was feeling. And I don't want her to feel like that. We took a bathroom break, took some deep breaths, and cooled down for a few minutes, and Leah went back out and finished the drill. She cried a bit more, but finished the drill. It's 5:45 at this point, Leah's drinking her water and wiping off her tears trying to compose herself and coach asks if everyone can go another 15 minutes.
I know my kid well enough to know that there's not another 15 minutes in her and that we need be finished. We said goodbye and let the other girls finish out the extended practice. She's making the crying and upset hiccup sound all the way home while we discuss.
I say I'm one of those moms because I was so upset for her, knowing exactly how she felt, I scooped her up and we didn't finish practice. (Well, we finished the original practice time which is long enough for a 5 year old. We just didn't do the extended time.) Ryan's right that we should have had her stay to do the last 6 on 6 "game", just a little pick up soccer game. He said it would have built up her confidence and erased the rest of practice. I know he's right, but I also know that she needed a break. We discussed it all the way home. We know that we need to help her work through her fear and tears, what tools can we give her to help her when she starts feeling like that again at practice or next year at school? We decided to start by playing a little game of our own when we got home.
Ryan set up his cones just like Leah's coach had them set up for that chaotic mess of a drill, and the 4 of us played, and defended and switched lines and had balls, etc. She understood and we were all laughing and having fun by the time we got going. She scored a few of her own goals and I do believe it wiped out the yuckiness of the previous practice. She's ready for her game on Saturday morning and for practice next week. Ryan plans to practice with her at home so she's ready once she gets to practice.
I'm learning how to find the balance between pushing my kid to work hard even when she doesn't want to, and to finish what she started, and being aware of her limits and being sensitive to those. I'd much rather be a well balanced mom than a swoopy helicopter mom.
God was good in His timing...Leah's coach will be out of town for the next few weeks, so guess who's guest coaching her and her team? That sweet daddy of hers.

Any Given Day

I'm a sentimental schmuck. If you know me at all, you know this. I have boxes of pictures from high school, albums from college, certificates from elementary school. Do I really need my, "accomplished juggler" certificate from 5th grade? Some would say no. Everytime we move, I come across these random pieces of my past and I have moments of rememberance. I love those moments that lift my spirits on any given day.
I have one of Logans' newborn baby sandals in the bottom of my laundary basket. It got put there a few years ago by who knows which kid. I was doing laundary and came across it and smiled. So I left it. I still see it and smile every time. I have 5 pictures hanging in our kitchen that Leah has drawn for me over the years. I put them in places that I frequent so that I smile throughout the day. I love them. I have a picture next to my side of the bed that Ryan took for me. When he was camping a few years ago with my dad and brother, he took the time to carve our initials into a wooden fence post. He took a picture of it and then took a second picture with him sitting next to it because he knew I'd love it. I do love it and I see it everyday and smile. Everytime.
I have a drawer that holds special cards i've recieved from my parents, siblings, best of friends and my family over the years. I think it's so important to hold onto pieces that remind me of love, goodness, and happy.
I have a new piece in our house. It's in my jewelry box on my dresser. My new piece is a tube of bubbles from Maggie's service. I saw them today and thought of Maggie and smiled. I was immediately taken back to her service when our family gathered around her gravesite. It was hot outside. It was breezy. We all had a tube of bubbles to blow. The picture I choose to keep from that day is the moment when all the bubbles were floating around and the wind was blowing through the chimes in the trees around us. Everyone was smiling and quiet. It was beautiful.
Maggie's part of my permanent rememberances. Everytime I open my jewelry box, i'll see her bubbles and smile. And everytime I smile because of Maggie, i'll be thankful that she's one of the things that lifts my spirits on any given day.