Baby Steps

A few years ago when Leah was a baby, I remember walking through Target at the end of summer. I walked past a mom with her daughter and their basket held a few of the following items: a fan, an area rug, a lamp, some tupperware and some other random brightly colored dorm supplies. I got the best warm feeling and big smile remembering when I went to college for the first time. There's this great rush of independence and fear, anticipation and cluelessness that makes the journey with a kid as she goes off to college, one of the best times in her life.
I walked through Wal-Mart today and walked passed the school supply aisle. I was alone, the kids were home with Ryan taking their naps. It hit me that Leah starts school, exactly 1 month from day-after-tomorrow. I realized that on this pay check, Ryan and I get to take Leah to the store with her school supply list and let her pick out her folders and crayons and tissues and backpack.
Leah is so completely ready to go to school. She can't wait for all the right reasons. She wants to learn how to read. She can't wait to go to art class. She's thrilled at the prospect of writing her own stories and she's also quite excited about the days she'll be allowed to take her quarters to buy chocolate milk.
I've always heard that when your kid is ready for kindergarten, you'll know it. Well, I know she's ready but i'm not sure I am! I do look forward to some one on one time with Logan. I'll get to know him as Logan, not as "Logan and Leah". I'm excited to take Logan to Ryan's school and share lunch with my boys. But I realize that as i've settled into the phase of life as a soccer mom, getting back to my own personality and activities, running and volleyballing, teaching choir, kids aren't quite nearly as dependent on me as i'd like...we're entering yet another new phase. It's sneaking up on me for sure. While I'm not concerned about Leah's wellfare or ability, I think i'm frantically trying to slow down the days before she's out of my hands for 8 hours a day.
We've made so many sacrifices so that I could be home full-time and know each and every second of the kids' days and nights. Letting go of that time with her is scary. I know that it's time for me to trust more that God is in control of her world. I need to trust that He will lead her and that she has the sense and conviction, even at 5, to follow Him. I'll continue to pray that God will draw Leah even closer to Him as she makes decisions for herself and influences those around her. I'll pray for her teacher, that she may love the Lord and that she will care for Leah's heart as well as her mind. And i'll pray for me, that God will help me be thrilled with her new opportunities and my new role in her life, in Logan's life and in Ryan's life. May I be the woman He calls me to be.
As for these last few weeks before school starts, I believe a trip to Target is in order. It's time for Leah Beth to make some choices all on her own. We'll start with two-pocket-folder colors, tissue boxes, lunchboxes, uniform shirts and skirts. We may even find a thermos, a hot ticket item on Leah's list. Baby steps, right?